r/SipsTea • u/SweetyByHeart • 6h ago
Wait a damn minute! It aint a myth
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u/ShakeZula_MicRulah 6h ago
I remember one time Chuck Norris threw a grenade and killed 50 people, and then the grenade exploded.
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u/OurHouse20 5h ago
When Chuck Norris donates blood, all he needs is a pistol and a bucket.
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u/BigFanOfNachoLibre 4h ago
What's the pistol for?
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u/INoMakeMistake 4h ago
To stop bleeding.
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u/Double_Alps_2569 2h ago
Chuck Norris does not bleed. He tells his blood to stay inside him and so it does.
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u/MutantApocalypse 2h ago
"Remember that time I donated blood?"
"Whose blood?"
"Some guy's."
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u/HonkeyKong64 3h ago
Chuck Norris once nursed a dying baby lamb back to health only to roundhouse kick it in the face, killing it instantly. To show that Chuck Norris giveth and Chuck Norris taketh away.
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u/liquidhuo 3h ago
You never seen a Stephen Chow movie? Lol
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u/Maximum-Bar-7395 3h ago
Haha brilliant
Reminds me of Muhammad Ali quote:
I'm so fast that last night I turned off the light switch in my hotel room and was in bed before the room was dark
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u/Yellow_Snow_Cones 2h ago
While jesus was walking on water, chuck norris was swimming through land.
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u/G_Michael0 6h ago
Chuck telling a Chuck joke 😂😂
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u/Substantial__Unit 6h ago
I've seen him interviewed and he laughs at all of them
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u/Malabingo 6h ago
Except the his tears heal cancer joke, but he never cries.
He didn't like that one.
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u/GeneticEnginLifeForm 5h ago
I'm sure that if they did cure cancer he'd find away to extract the fluid from his tear ducts with a tiny straw or something because no a syringe could puncture his skin.
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u/cow_with_a_fingergun 4h ago
Maybe he would milk his eye ducts with like a micro cow milking machine
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u/Dorkamundo 3h ago
Squirsh squirsh squirsh squirsh squirsh squirsh squirsh squirsh squirsh
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u/finger_licking_robot 5h ago
every joke he tells is a chuck joke. so this one was a chuck chuck joke.
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u/theottomaddox 4h ago
chuckchuck
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u/Carl_the_Half-Orc 4h ago
Chuck Norris to the power of Chuck Norris!? The universe must bend a knee. 🤣
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u/indifferentCajun 5h ago
Apparently on the set of Expendables, they were all telling them back and forth to decide on which one to use. The fact that he thinks they're as funny as we do is delightful.
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u/imsoverygayforwomen 6h ago
Chuck Norris once took apples from an orange tree and made lemonade
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u/pinky_-dinky 4h ago
Whoa is that real? Damn that sucks if so 😔
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u/Rooty_the_Pooh 3h ago
It's real and they are banning for pointing it out. He's a Christian Nationalist Trump supporter.
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u/Lookin4whiteprivileg 2h ago
Why would they ban you? He didn’t say anything bad in the video.
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u/lbtwitchthrowaway144 2h ago
Some of us found out quite a while ago. Still, for many of us he was part of our development and we actually looked up to him. As we did with Bill Cosby.
Doesn't change we still have people who we looked up to, who it turns out are human like the rest of us but they are still worth looking up to. Some people are truly as close to saints as any human can be. Even many of the famous ones.
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u/XSvFury 3h ago
As a “socialist” myself (I hate ideology labels), this wasn’t that bad. The man is allowed to believe what he wants. He didn’t spout lies or anything.
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u/Curious-Eye-4035 5h ago
Chuck Norris once visited the Virgin Islands,now it's known as just The Islands
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u/Velghast 2h ago
I heard that one before as...
"Did you know there used to be ALLOT more virgin islands? Chuck Norris really likes to vaccation."
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u/BigusGeekus 4h ago edited 3h ago
When Alexander Graham Bell discovered the telephone, he saw he had 3 missed calls from Chuck Norris
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u/Beginning-2-Smell 5h ago
Chuck Norris doesn’t read books. He stares them down until he gets the information he wants.
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u/WabbitCZEN 5h ago
For all my football fans out there:
Chuck Norris once had sex with an entire convent of nuns. 9 months later they gave birth to the 1972 Dolphins.
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u/Orochinagi 6h ago
Anyone can shit on the floor chuck norris shits on the ceiling... Sitting down
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u/Thiel619 6h ago
When Chuck Norris does pushups, he’s not actually pushing himself up but pushing the earth down.
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u/Stergeary 3h ago
From a physics standpoint, this is true for everyone who does a pushup.
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u/Paranormal_Lemon 3h ago
The average person moves the earth 5.5 x 10-24 meters when they do a pushup, Chuck Norris moves the Earth 5.5 x 1024 meters when he does one.
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u/Penguin_Master_P 6h ago
Chuck Norris can divide by 0
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u/iamapizza 4h ago
Chuck Norris can execute both sides of an if else block.
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u/Express_Sector2430 4h ago
Okay this is the only new one I saw today thank you!
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u/ComfortableTap5560 4h ago
Chuck Norris can program with 1's alone, bc 0's are a loser's number
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u/Efficient-Maximum651 4h ago
Anybody can do that, but Chuck can divide by 0 and get any number he wants.
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u/arabishankar 5h ago
There was no Big Bang, Chuck Norris discovered the universe and whooped its ass into shape
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u/Uchihamadaralord 5h ago
Chuck Norris was bitten by a venomous snake unfortunately after 3 days the snake died.
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u/SweetyByHeart 6h ago
Remember to read 'the bible' from time to time for all of us 'believers'
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u/buttlebottom 6h ago
Great read especially that part about how chuck norris once built a snowman out of rain, or how chuck norris counted to infinity... TWICE!
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u/ForeverSquirrelled42 6h ago
Chuck Norris was one of the original wise men before they rewrote the Bible. He gave Jesus the gift of beard.
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u/bangerangerific 6h ago
Its said chuck norris' tears can cure cancer. Too bad chuck Norris never cries.
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u/Secure-Ad-9050 5h ago
he cried, once, some people refer to that event as noahs flood
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u/tamuzp 4h ago
Y'all praising Chuck Norris way too much. If he was that great he'd come right here and smash my head into my keyboFhsgUdhJgxjckGJxhziJKzvxjfkXkzkV
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u/stevearinobambino 6h ago
Handicapped parking spaces aren't for disabled people. They are all reserved for Chuck Norris. The wheelchair man is there as a warning that Chuck Norris will cripple you if you park there.
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u/Koala_Operative 6h ago
I love that he embraced the meme. That right there is how you stay relevant (in a good way)
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u/SheetPancakeBluBalls 3h ago
He also embraced being a bigoted magat dipshit.
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u/frequenZphaZe 3h ago
chuck norris jokes were a lot more fun before chunk norris adopted shit politics
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u/mountaineer04 3h ago
The world was more fun before everyone decided they should have a “political identity”. There are no politicians that are “for you” or even care who you are, or if you live or die. Treat them the same way and return to being a human being.
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u/ohhihowdythere 4h ago
Chuck Norris was born in a log cabin he built with his bare hands.
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u/tepkai 4h ago
When chuck Norris goes swimming. He doesn't get wet, the water gets chuck Norris.
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u/BigShortVox 4h ago
Chuck Norris can kick with his hands, and punch with his feet.
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u/Tacos4Texans 6h ago
My best friend David Taylor was signed to Chuck Norris' fight league a long time ago.
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u/twothirtyintheam 4h ago
The only reason Chuck Norris didn't wear his tiger skin coat for the interview was to surprise the journalist with this story.
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u/varrowyn 4h ago
In the beginning, God said "Let there be light." Chuck replied, "Say please first."
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u/Complex_Childhood_27 4h ago
I heard Mr. Norris was recently caught speeding when he reversed into a parking spot.
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u/Noimenglish 3h ago
Chuck Norris and Superman once had an arm wrestling contest. Loser had to wear red underwear outside of their clothes.
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u/JudasJunkie666 3h ago
Chuck Norris' calendar skips from March 31st to April 2nd.
Nobody fools Chuck
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u/DitchDigger330 5h ago
I re-watched some WTR and wow some of those episodes would not fly in today's society.
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u/knightenrichman 5h ago
Example?
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u/PatientBoring 4h ago
I mean… the blatant police brutality isn’t a great look nowadays….
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u/nicko0409 4h ago
I miss those old silly days of the internet, where it was more for entertainment and not a daily reminder of how shitty everything is slowly getting.
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u/liquidhuo 3h ago
Chuck Norris' mother cried when he was born.
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u/Ornery_Ring_9831 3h ago
You would too if your baby invented the C-section by roundhouse kicking its way out of you.
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u/Musket6969420 3h ago
If Chuck Norris was in a parallel universe where he had to fight Chuck Norris, Chuck Norris would win, PERIOD.
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u/Training_Chicken8216 6h ago
Chuck Norris can fuck up telling a Chuck Norris joke.
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u/Op3rat0rr 4h ago
I'm so saddened that he became unpopular because of his political beliefs. Stuff like this is why I hate politics and try to ignore most political news and discussion. Politics destroy most family gatherings during my holidays with arguments and I just sit there quietly in the corner. People just want a reason to fight about something
I just realized I made a weird tangent on a Chuck Norris video of him petting a tiger. Too early for this
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u/bankrobba 3h ago
He literally made a video saying the United States would extinguished if Obama was reelected. It's not you, he made himself toxic.
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u/Academic_Ear_3291 3h ago
Ok but some political beliefs are extremely harmful. It's a broad category and many topics are important enough to be worth arguing over. That stuff affects people's lives.
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u/Silent-Locksmith4703 4h ago
It's easy to want to disengage with politics if it doesn't effect you, but things like Chuck Norris condemning the boy scouts allowing gay scouts and leaders is indicative of a persons ethics and it does effect people.
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u/Skizm 4h ago
Isn't he a MAGA / Christian Nationalist that wants to get rid of all education or something weird like that?
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u/DarthLysergis 4h ago
Jokes aside....Fuck Chuck. He went full right and is a trump supporter, hard anti abortionist who endorsed trump and Roy Moore. He can f right off in my book.
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u/detrans-rights 5h ago edited 4h ago
I was a member of the SA forums and I remember when this started on 4chan and it was shaq jokes at one point..I forget what year it switched to chuck. (This was when it was a duck with toilet paper rolls for feet, wasn't rick yet)
Just an interesting fact from an old, elder queer.
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u/Snugglebull 4h ago
Originally was Vin Diesel.
It started on something awful and was mocking him for being a terrible actor and republican.
People not in the know took it seriously.
https://www.espn.com/mma/story/_/id/38239284/chuck-norris-facts
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u/AaronsAaAardvarks 4h ago
My favorite chuck norris joke is this one:
Chuck Norris supported famed child molester Roy Moore.
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u/Generic2770 4h ago
The police department uses Chuck Norris’ beard trimmings to make their bulletproof vests.
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u/Itherial 3h ago
Are Chuck Norris memes still alive? Isn't this guy a piece of shit?
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u/BigFloppyDonkyDick69 3h ago
How much wood could a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck could Chuck Norris?
All of it.
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u/n-a_barrakus 3h ago
When Chuck Norris jumps into a pool, he doesn't get wet. The water gets Chuck Norris.
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u/hudsonrettig 3h ago
Since Chuck Norris is a dad, if he tells a chuck joke that's also a dad joke, is it a Chad joke?
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u/findyourhappy401 3h ago
My seminary teacher would always start our lesson with a chuck Norris joke. He'd love this video. Shout out to brother conrad
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u/More-Consequence9863 3h ago
Had a karate instructor that went against him in competition. He is a legit badass. Just thought it was cool and wanted to share.
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u/Grouchy-Engine1584 3h ago
Chuck Norris invented all of the Chuck Norris jokes, which are not jokes but rather are statements of fact.
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