r/SipsTea • u/SweetyByHeart • 8h ago

Wait a damn minute! It aint a myth

35.6k Upvotes

94% Upvoted

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864

u/OurHouse20 6h ago

When Chuck Norris donates blood, all he needs is a pistol and a bucket.

245

u/BigFanOfNachoLibre 6h ago

What's the pistol for?

432

u/INoMakeMistake 6h ago

To stop bleeding.

120

u/Double_Alps_2569 4h ago

Chuck Norris does not bleed. He tells his blood to stay inside him and so it does.

56

u/ajatfm 3h ago

My guy holding his own blood hostage. Legend.

8

u/viperfangs92 45m ago

His blood isn't a hostage, its happy to be there, just ask it.

13

u/Vertig0x 2h ago

Chuck Norris is never late. Time is just early.

3

u/[deleted] 5h ago

[deleted]

2

u/Namesbutcher 5h ago

Rectum?! Damn near killed ‘em!!

Edit: swipe to text doesn’t like death

0

u/El_Neck_Beard 2h ago

🤣🤣🤣🤣👌

42

u/ProfessionalLead743 6h ago

Makes it easier to obtain blood that isnt yours, is my best guess..

27

u/BigFanOfNachoLibre 5h ago

Well yeah, but why does HE have one?

4

u/remote_001 4h ago

He’s the mythical “good guy with a gun” that the NRA mentions all the time. He just carries it because he thinks people shouldn’t lie.

1

u/Cedex 5h ago

Keeps his hands clean.

2

u/ScrapMetalX 39m ago

Blood removes itself from his hands.

1

u/[deleted] 4h ago

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1

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10

u/LifeTitle3951 5h ago

To pierce his skin

5

u/NamiGleam 5h ago

To control BLEEDING

2

u/rsmith6000 3h ago

Fashion accessory

85

u/HonkeyKong64 5h ago

Chuck Norris once nursed a dying baby lamb back to health only to roundhouse kick it in the face, killing it instantly. To show that Chuck Norris giveth and Chuck Norris taketh away.

3

u/Vertig0x 2h ago

Chuck Norris clogs the toilet when he pees

1

u/libmrduckz 55m ago

thunder is the sound of Chuck Norris farting…

2

u/rsmith6000 3h ago

this cracked me up

23

u/MutantApocalypse 4h ago

"Remember that time I donated blood?"

"Whose blood?"

"Some guy's."

9

u/[deleted] 5h ago

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23

u/liquidhuo 5h ago

You never seen a Stephen Chow movie? Lol

11

u/Over_Constant_7243 5h ago

Kung fu hustle😅

3

u/liquidhuo 5h ago

Many many more those in the 90s. Awesome.

1

u/KraffKifflom 5h ago

If you only know kung fu hustle, you missed out a lot.

3

u/MistaRekt 4h ago

Still a good call, no need to be a dick about it.

1

u/Original-Clue-3364 4h ago

Shaolin soccer is my favorite.

2

u/Jonesin4me 3h ago

When Chuck Norris donates blood, its from the other guy in the fight.